Ode to Elmira College
When arriving at the dorm,
you’ll know things aren’t quite the norm.
You’ll stop and stare,
and become aware,
that there’s purple, PURPLE, everywhere.
Perhaps college funds have been misspent
to paint a purple heating vent.
Groundskeepers wear their purple hats
utilizing purple carts that
create a purple habitat.
You’ll use purple-painted bathroom stalls
while purple salt prevents icey falls.
One walks on purple rugs and floors,
buys purple M&Ms at local stores
and purple paint covers all the doors.
Every fabric, printed or bare,
covers a purple sofa or chair.
Students awake to purple dawns
hearing purple mowers on campus lawns
and use purple-ized Port-a-Johns.
Does it make any sense
to have a purple chain-link fence?
Purple passions do enable
purple linens on dining tables
and purple print on bookstore labels.
In purple-tiled halls, co-eds waddle
sipping from purple water bottles.
Purple AV carts and screens
fill classrooms with purple-tinted scenes
causing troubling purple dreams.
Purple petals on purple flowers
bloom purple blossoms hour by hour.
Am I being a total jerk
when I begin to eschew and shirk
Elmira’s unusual purple quirk?
I’m sorry, Elmira, but I can’t cope
with dispensers filled with purple soap.
Soon, I admit, I'm not a fan
of purple trash-filled refuse cans
and Elmira-purple minivans.
And who would make such a fuss
to demand a purple-painted bus?
Excessive purply room decor
is just too much to ignore.
I may shun purple evermore.
It takes only a scant few days
to have your fill of this purple craze.
Purple will become a bore,
something you will soon abhor,
and then you’ll shout, “No more! No more!”
This is all true. You can't make up this stuff, folks. To see more of my photos of Elmira purple, click HERE.